Never. Forget.

Oy?

Things I want to kick, but probably shouldn't:

1. Babies

2. Grenades

3. Babies with Grenades

4. Grenades Painted Like Babies

5. A Slow Loris.......tied to a grenade.

Wocka Wocka Wocka

And now, a joke from The Muppet Movie.

Fozzie: There was this sailor who was so fat-

Fat, Angry Sailor: How fat was he?!?!

Fozzie: He was so fat that everybody liked him and there was nothing funny about him at all.

Matt Damon in The Wizard of Oz and the Prisoner of Azkaban

This one is for you, Riggs. Do you think they'll somehow be able to work this into the theme park?

Via Engrish.

Andrew Bird is in the Moment

Thanks, Jimmy, for the tip.

Via Pitchfork.

Not quite right....

Ear Stick

Via the fantastic Married to the Sea.

Land of Lakes

Tom and I went to Minnesota this week and we had a lovely time with his family. It turns out Minnesota is not as lame as we all undoubtedly imagine it is before we go there. Here are several photos of The North Star State.

Patchy clouds over fields.

Fall is a-comin' and it looks like Fruit Loops.

Lake Minnetonka.

Lily pads of Lake Minnetonka.

Lovely steps to the lake from Tom's family's house.

Tom's sweet sisters, Abby and Libby, engaging in a heated staring contest.

View from the dinner table.

Back yard of Rickeman Manor.

Pallates at Tom's grandmother's old farm.

Old lockers from a high school in Hutchinson.

Farm boy.

Organ-pipe fountain in downtown Minneapolis.

Manhole cover. Nice one Minnesota.

Parking structure extraordinaire.

Nothing commemorates 9/11 like a Mad Ripple Hootenanny.

Dandelion fountain.

Spoon Bridge and Cherry at the very cool sculpture garden.

To Brighten Your Day

speaking of namesakes...

Sweet Songs of the Deranged

Tom and I were walking along Telegraph in downtown Berkeley this afternoon, when something interesting happened. I was holding a coffee in one hand and a shopping bag in the other. We were halfway across the crosswalk when some fellows with face paint, guitars and a sign asking for weed donations from the curb behind us began this song... very loudly.

"HER BOYFRIEND WEARS GLASSES

AND SHE LIKES TO SHOP

SHE'S HOLDING HER COFFEE

AND HE'S GOT THE C**K

YES HE'S GOT THE C**K

OH, HE'S GOT THE C**K

YES HE'S GOT THE C**K"

(and on and on and on until we were a block or so away)

Tom said, "Well that was embarrassing."

"It could have been worse," I said.

Things With Faces: Part 2

Truthiness

The media wizards at CNN have done it again. Honestly, what the hell is this thing? Is every cable news viewer seven years old? If they're really going to insult the intelligence of the American public with this nonsense, then I think they should gung-ho this doo-dad. Use it for every political quote that flickers across their garish network. "And now let's go to our trusty Truth-O-Meter to find out if Attorney General Eric Holder really wants to make heroin street legal". By the way, what is this "Half True" business? Is this a three stage system? Or are there variable levels of truth I have yet to understand? Either they're embarking on some sort of philosophical revolution or their producers have the mental capacity of a damp towel.

P.S. I dare you to use "gung-ho" and "doo-dad" in the same sentence. Boom.

Sarah Silverman

She slays me. You have to admire her ability to hold that pose through the entire reading of nominees and announcing of the winner. Didn't even crack a smile.

Pretty vs. ...Not So Pretty

This is from a friend's deviant art page. She has some amazing drawings and photos that you can check out here, unless you hate being pleased aesthetically, then you can look at this. 

Carl WinsNOOOOO!

Google Images

The first image that appears when you Google Image search "Ryan Winger" is an 80's-sitcom-era man kissing a baby on the lips. I leave it to you to supply the metaphor.

Seinfeld, etc. II

Mr. Gabe Durham emailed me to remind me that in my previous post on annoying neighbors, I omitted someone. A hero. A pest par excellance. Gabe's exact words were "How dare you? Poor Wilson. He's the one bothered by the kooky neighbor. More of a Mr. Feeney. And don't forget Urkle. Never forget Urkle." Well, for the obvious reasons (mainly that Wilson is obviously into little boys), I'm going to stick with my first remark. But to forget Urkel? A fate worse than death. I'm sorry, Jaleel. I'm so sorry.

just in case anyone was wondering

Tom's inspiration for this blog; he's a hero to us all.

Trinket shop

Embryonic

In case you haven't heard the good news, until midnight on Monday you can stream the new Flaming Lips album on Colbert Nation. I'm getting more excited for Treasure Island by the minute.

Defense

Seinfeld, etc.

I've been watching a lot of Seinfeld lately because it's on non-stop on one of our 5 channels. Some thoughts:

Jerry Seinfeld is a really terrible actor. I've heard him say the same of himself, so I don't feel too bad about saying it. But really, he can't make it through a line (even a non-punchline line) without smirking. Drives me bananas.

Watching Seinfeld now is like watching a watered-down, worse version of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Every time Kramer comes on the screen, I'm having a hard time not thinking of Michael Richards calling his audience the word that means "friend" to black people and "I'm a totally culturally insensitive idiot racist" to white people. Oh, how the fowl stench of racism lingers.

Speaking of Kramer, 90s sitcoms seemed to love the kooky, intrusive neighbor subplot. Kramer, Kimmy Gibbler, Wilson, etc. Wilson's probably a rapist, Kramer's racist, but I have the biggest bone to pick with Kimmy Gibbler. She's one of the reasons I don't go by my Christan name, Andrea. I mean, look at her. She was the only one repping our name until they decided to name a character after us. Great, I thought, naively. An Andrea on a swell new show about good looking rich kids, Beverly Hills 90210! And guess who gets to be Andrea? You guessed it. This nerdbag down here.

Things With Faces: Part 1

Oh, CNN.

Check out what CNN.com thinks would make a great t-shirt. Between this and Wolf Blitzer finishing Jeopardy tonight with negative $4,500, I'm beginning to doubt their credibility as a news source. CNN, you're on notice. Cooper for the save?

Twist and Swirl

Achewood Comics

Enjoy. I highly recommend reading through the archives if you have time. Achewood Comics.

Wingardium Levi-Florida!

All hilarious, well-constructed word mash-ups aside, I now have another reason to travel to the Sunshine State (the first reason being a visit to the historic St. Augustine-the oldest port in the continental United States!)  

Universal just released some new information on the Harry Potter-themed theme park of themes. Apparently it is set to open in Spring of 2010, and I could not be more thrilled (unless of course I found out magic was real and my acceptance letter to Hogwarts just got lost in the mail).  

Now, I understand that it may seem disturbing/desperate/pathetic for a grown man (I am 22 after all) to shiver with excitement at the opportunity to drink butterbeer.  That being said, I don't have a lot going on right now, so this gives me something to look forward to.  Still pathetic? Yes, indeed.  Watch the video map/conceptual drawings and try not to pee inside of your pants:

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter

(Thanks to A.J. and Tom for opening up their blog-hearts to me...you are truly Avada Kamazing)

  

The Purloined Letter

Over the last few weeks, I finally got around to reading BLINDNESS by José Saramago and 100 YEARS OF SOLITUDE by Gabriel García Márquez. After the weightiness of those novels, I was ready for some more lighthearted bedtime reading, so I grabbed a book of great American short stories off the shelf. The collection included Poe's "The Purloined Letter" which contains the fantastic insult, below.

That is another of your odd notions," said the Prefect, who had the fashion of calling every thing "odd" that was beyond his comprehension, and thus lived amid an absolute legion of "oddities."

Unripe Blueberries