Pauses... are important.

Run Away! Run Away!

(L-R: Eric Idle, Graham Chapman, Michael Palin, John Cleese, Terry Jones, Terry Gilliam)

First, she-who-must-not-be-named ousted Michael and became the most famous Palin in the world. Now, class A moron Terry Jones is dethroning Welsh wonder Terry Jones. I suppose it's fitting that the Pythons are under attack by their obvious mortal enemies: super stupid people. If you meet anybody named Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Eric Idle or Terry Gilliam that's attempting to enter the public sphere, you may as well just slap them in the face with a fish before they even open their mouth to speak.

Absolutely Not.

Via Criggo, a site at which I would recommend wasting several hours.

Uncomfortable Childhood Memories, Part 1

Orange You Glad You Didn't Say Banana

Although my childhood height and physique suggested I would be a great dancer, my coordination did not concur. Nevertheless, my parents enrolled me in jazz, tap, ballet (with private lessons!) and gymnastics classes over the course of several years. Based on the number and variety of classes, their theory must have been that the dance style I didn't completely suck at was just one genre away. "Perhaps hip hop," they must have said with palpable disappointment. When I was in 3rd grade (and, in the interest of full disclosure, Ist-12th grade as well) I was always cracking wise. My gymnastics teacher, let's call her Ms. Anderson, was teaching us the proper form for round offs and a girl in the class piped up, saying, "I remember learning that you should try to brush the imaginary cobwebs off the ceiling with your toes!" Without a moment's hesitation I said, "Who taught you round offs?! A BANANA?!" At this time the studio grew tense and quiet and the girl just squeaked out, "Actually, it was Ms. Anderson."

Image via Natalie Dee

Monitoring Ray

Via Achewood Comics.

The Room

Best. Acting. Ever.

You had me at "marshmallow"

Rarely does one get the opportunity to look into the face of her future self and say, "Yes, this is worth the loss of my dignity. I accept your offer of $49.95, fate."

Sub-par-way

So did Subway just decide it had mastered the sandwich and that it needed to move on to another food completely? Well, I've got news for you, Subway. Bad news. You are not good at sandwiches. So maybe you should focus on the war at home and leave pizza out of it. Oh, yeah, that reminds me, The War at Home also sucks.

Are you sure about that?

"I'm not a racist. I just don't believe in mixing the races that way."

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